The Efforts of a Courageous Writer

Creativity has been flooding through my veins and begging me to do something with it.  ”There’s a story here!” it gasps waiting for it’s first breath in the tangible world.  Recently, however, I have found myself reading more than writing; reading everything at that. 

Poems by Mary Oliver, such as “Rain,” start my diet off in the morning: 

“All afternoon it rained, then

such power came down from the clouds

on a yellow thread,

as authoritative as God is supposed to be.  

When it hit the tree, her body

opened forever.”

Today was Charlotte Bronte’s birthday, so I may have indulged a little and read “Life.”  If you haven’t read any of her works, especially her poetry, I suggest doing so asap.

By mid-afternoon I was ravenous for research.  I have begun reading up on the Lowell Mills, the girls who lived there, and the Industrial Revolution for my own personal project.  

Now, I am ending the day with a healthy helping of “The PoisonWood Bible;” sixty-eight pages at that since my boyfriend and I are trying to finish it in a week.  He has to read it for school, I decided to read it because World Book Night is coming up on April 23rd.  For those of you wanting to know more about World Book Night, head over here– www.worldbooknight,org.  

However, with all this reading will I ever feel satiated and courageous enough to put the ink to the page?

Just now I pulled out the book “Reading Like a Writer” by Francine Prose from my overstocked bookshelves and thought, this is what I’ve been trying to accomplish all day.

At the end of her book she has a chapter called, “Reading for Courage,” which is somewhat focused on reading to better enable your writing.  The more examples we have and the more models we have, the better we are going to be at our craft.  For some of the more fragile writers, I could see that becoming a stumbling block, especially those with particularly negative inner critics.  Will my prose ever be that amazing?  Will my characters ever have that much depth and feel that real?  So, I’m finding that when we read, it’s best not to compare.  It’s a natural thing for us to want to do, but don’t.  This is art and we are all going to write differently and beautifully so.  However, I am learning that in order to hone my craft, I must read and I must do so voraciously.  

If you write, what authors make you a more courageous writer?

 I’d love to add some new ones to my collection–indie authors welcome!  

Freshly Pressed Compassion

As the coffee maker gurgles and sputters out the french roast that I will quickly turn into iced coffee, I sit on the living room floor, indian-style.  I’m looking outside of my double windows and into the backyard where I see bushes and flowers being tickled by the breeze as they lightly moved to the left and right.  they seem to be laughing like a child as mother or father breeze tickles them to the right and then quickly to the left.  The sky is a joyful robin’s-egg blue with whisps of clouds.  Children can be heard playing in the distance.  But, back in my living room the scent of vanilla from my almost-diminished candle is comforting  as I remember why I decided to write today and what I hope to bring to others this afternoon.

Last night, I decided it would be a good idea to practice some yoga since emotionally this week, I really have not been feeling my best.  I practiced lots of breathing techniques, heart openers, and navel strengtheners because I know that I need to work on my self-confidence as well as my magnetic energy field.  Some of you may laugh at this or may simply not believe that these things are interconnected.  That’s fine and I am not here to push those things down your throat.  I am simply here voicing what has worked for many and, upon your own research, what could work for you.

Anyway, I always feel sweeter after yoga and more open to the needs of others.  Last night after I practiced, I texted my boyfriend while he was out all of the things I missed from our last rendezvous.  We are in a long-distance relationship and that can be a struggle, but it can be really helpful to focus on the positive things that have happened–which I have not been doing.  This leads me to this morning.

I woke up this morning as though I had become an inanimate object for the past 9 hours.  My body felt completely rejuvenated since it clearly had not moved at all and I had creases where I may have fossilized in my sleep.  Even though my body felt great, my insides didn’t and I rolled over to contemplate why.  I began to do an emotional scan, which is something I believe everyone should do every once in a while.  What was bugging me?  Why did I feel like it has been bugging me all week?  

I suddenly came to the conclusion that I have been putting too much of myself into my long-distance relationship and not enough into myself.  I was truly losing who I was in every aspect.  I realized I needed to tell him how a) I needed him to reach out more than I was and b)…here’s the hard part…I needed to be more compassionate with myself.  Didn’t I love myself?  I thought I had.  So what are the tell-tale signs that I wasn’t loving myself to the fullest?

1) Allowing yourself to be sad about something you CAN change for more than a week; this usually has to do with a significant other.

2) Only focusing on how to better that situation, not how to better myself or grow.

3) Forgetting who I am…for many people this can be as simple as forgetting what you enjoy doing because of the state of depression to forgetting what you believe in.  

All of these things were starting to attack me and this morning I broke free.  I literally just kicked the door down and said enough.  As people who LOVE to give to others, sometimes we are amazing at being compassionate with other people.  We know how to care for and cradle them when they have hit their lowest points.  But, what about ourselves?  Sometimes we forget the words we’ve told our best friends or strangers when they’re going through the same things.  We forget our own advice and we forget to be compassionate with ourselves.

Sometimes it does help by seeking advice outside of yourself and that’s ok!  Here are some helpful quotes if you need it.  I know I read these daily and I will come back to my blog just to remember:

“There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we were born and the day we discover why.” – William Barclay

“You can learn to just be you. It is your essence which has a destiny to be with God. It is your EGO which is unnecessarily blocking you … just be very simply beautiful.” – Yogi Bhajan

“If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others.”  Dalai Lama

“You must love yourself before you can love anyone else…” my mother; but surely someone else said it first before she did.

“If compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”  Jack Kornfield

“Compassion is the basis of all truthful relationship:  it
means being present with love–for ourselves and for all
life, including animals, fish, birds, and trees.  Compassion
is bringing our deepest truth into our actions, no matter
how much the world seems to resist, because that is ultimately
what we have to give this world and one another.”  Ram Dass

“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”  Don Swartz

So in order to show compassion to others in the most genuine way possible, let’s be compassionate with ourselves first.  Love yourself, do what you love, and love others in that same way.  The great masters did it this way too. Sat Nam, my compassionate angels.

Roaming my pasture in grace…

It seems surreal that nearly 4 months have gone by without me writing a single word in my blog.  These months have gone by like a blur.  So many changes, so many things to accomplish, so much growth.  

I remember quite a few months back creating my yoga dream board and pasting words of encouragement on the bedroom wall that faces the foot of my bed.  Everyday I would wake up and see exactly what I need to do; to stretch, breathe, relax, and be.  

“Give bliss a chance,” one of the quotes reads.  Am I doing that?  Not right now, with my barely blissful schedule and extreme change in how I was living.  The lady in the picture effortlessly does a cartwheel and I wonder when my own life will be quite so effortless.  At the top, the words “Create a balance” are slowly starting to peel off, obviously symbolizing how I may have lost my own.

To the right of these inspiring quotes and pictures is a painting I did that symbolizes creation and being able to create, especially in art.  Being a writer and artist, the action of creating is what I do.  The painting includes a mixture of acrylic oils that make up the sky and earth, as well as mixed media to create the tree with the woman’s face (symbolizing myself) and the flower with a seed underneath.  Sweetly calligraphed words are placed around the seed that say, “Make a wish,” symbolizing the need for a dream.  The whole painting bows down to the Great Creator with the words written and directly attributed to Him at the bottom.

As I look back over my yoga dream board, I wonder what bliss is.  Bliss to me would be living serenely in a place surrounded by nature close to the beach and getting paid to write.  Back in December I said that I had ideas of being a lawyer and going to law school.  I decided to hash those simply because of the financial bind it would put me in.  Instead, I am pursuing my first dream and have been attending Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training.

Kundalini is creative energy.  So much has been rushing around inside me and begging to burst forth, but there has also been something trying to tame it.  

I remember once saying to myself that no one would ever be able to tame this wild horse and I would roam the pastures as free as I came into this world.  It seems that I don’t mind being bridled or led to water and I can do so with grace.  

Even if there is a fire within my soul and a desperate desire to prove something and to do something, I have been learning these past few months how to do so without challenging every statement that is given to me.  I am learning how to not be a devil’s advocate and to instead learn how to listen.  This will help me so much in my writing especially.  I am learning so much about who I am as a person and how, as patient as I thought I was, I was really not patient at all.  

I’m not going to get into grave detail about how getting into a relationship has changed my perception of things, although it has.  I will say that getting into a relationship with someone who you thought you let go from your past is one of the hardest things, but when you both want it to work, there is much to be learned and many compromises to make–and trust me, it’s never just on one end.

That leads me back to my writing.  This relationship has ignited that flame again and that passion I had always felt to write.  I am compelled to put my most deep thoughts, innermost feelings, and wildest characters onto a page.  I am feeling more inspired in these warmer months and especially now that things are calming down with both graduate school and teaching.  

Within this time frame, I have come back to an old friend; the author Louisa May Alcott.  I was never able to put down any of her biographies, as a young girl I fell in love with Little Women and Orchard House.  As a 16-year-old, I requested a tea party and a day to frolic in Concord as well as visit my old stomping grounds, that I used to as a girl, instead of having a formal Sweet Sixteen.  

At my age, LMA was going through many changes, growth, and accomplishments as well.  In 1858, Alcott would be 26; that year alone she would move to Orchard House, lose her younger sister Lizzie to Scarlet Fever, and her older sister Anna would announce her engagement, thus meaning she was losing two sisters.  Those relationship ties being fractured obviously had a great impact on how she saw herself in the upcoming years and definitely had an impact on her writing style.  She felt the need to go do something after her mourning period and so became a civil war nurse.  She was a wild horse just like me; wanting to run and be free.

But, this wild horse is changing and growing up in the process, “…a liberator for her, a teacher for us” (LMA).  This wild horse is learning how to roam the pasture in grace.

To be continued…

 “I ask not for any crown 
But that which all may win; 
Nor try to conquer any world 
Except the one within.” 
― Louisa May Alcott

A spiritual shift…

I knew that I believed that 2012 would be a huge year of change for many, what I did not realize was that within myself I had a belief that 2012 would be a year of spiritual transformation.  I have read about the year brining much spiritual transformation, including us being more open minded, but I always seemed a bit caught off guard and skeptical that one year could do this.  As we get closer and closer to New Years, I’ve noticed more and more shifts, not just in myself but in others as well.

Recently I have been practicing aerial yoga and have gotten to meet a very caring, open, honest teacher and friend through these classes.  We have connected on the “heart” level, which is a level of truth and honesty and I feel like I could tell her anything, even something that I’m scared of.  Up until 2011, I can’t really say that I had many girl friends, or that I pursued their friendship.  This year it seems that a lot of girls, at least the ones who are more open and perceptive of that energy, are being more honest and forward with each other, therefore creating new and strong relationships.

 

Aerial yoga has not only taught me about my strength, but it has also taught me how to better use my “fight or flight” responses.  My last post was a poem I wrote about a guy who I was in love with.  The poem was written many moons before I saw him again or before I got into a new dating relationship.  However, it now speaks volumes about where we are.  Instead of “fighting” or “flying,” I’ve managed to find a happy between stage of just being with this person in perfect bliss.  We talked today and realized how our friendship has never changed and we still hold each other close to our hearts.  However, going back to the spiritual transformation aspect of this entry, I noticed a shift in him; a shift that I wished for but didn’t know if it would be possible.  He was the most forward, honest, truthful man that I’ve ever seen him become.  He laid it all out there and even did so with his emotions raw for all to see.   Some might say, “Well love will do that to you,” but I have a crazy feeling it might be a mixture of these 2012 energies and said passion.  Even I have noticed a shift within myself to be more truthful with people and to love my truth no matter what.

So, this is where I leave 2011.  Have you noticed a shift in your perceptions lately?  Have you or others been more forward or blunt?  Maybe it’s been the opposite for you.  What are your thoughts?  I’m very curious.

Here’s a great article from 3HO to read about Preparing for 2012: http://www.3ho.org/ecommunity/2011/12/5-ways-to-prepare-for-2012/

What’s in a (pen)name?

I write with a nom de plume…or what would it be called via the internet? A “key” name?  I’m tempted to write screen name, but that doesn’t sound right given the circumstances.  Yes, I’m shielding my identity from those who do not know me (or who haven’t simply taken a look around), but I am also writing as was once done with a pen, but in this day and age most of us are using keyboards.

The name I chose was derived from an old Indonesian folktale about a young princess who loves to bathe and in doing so, ends up saving her people.  I felt a hilarious connection with the story since baths, not just showers, are something I must have daily.  Yes, I take a shower in the morning, but I must have a bathe before bed.  Sometimes, if I’m feeling under the weather, cold, or just upset, I’ll take an extra bath in the afternoon.  No this does not happen often, and yes, I am not practicing “being green” in those moments.  But, it is in those moments when I can just be.

Here is the story of Dewi Arum:

“Praba Ranubahu is the king of Umbul Wening. He had a beautiful daughter, Dewi Arum. Dewi Arum has an unusual habit. She loves to take a bath and swim in the lake. Everytime she takes a bath, she forgets about everything, food, rest, even her duties as a princess.

The king and queen often scold Dewi Arum for her habit. But she never pays attention to them. One day, Umbul Wening is stroke by a plague. Many of its citizen die. Many physicians try to cure the people of Umbul Wening but they all fail.

Suddenly a monk comes to see the king and says he has a vision from God. According to the monk, this plague can be cured using the plants that live in the lake located at the Krendawahanan Forest. But, there is a catch. Those plants must be taken only by Dewi Arum.

So the king orders his daughter to go to Krendawahanan Forest to get the plants. Dewi Arum agrees and goes to the forest accompanied by her beloved servants, Nyai Wijen and Nyai Empul.
After a long and tiring journey, they finally arrive at the lake.

Seeing the clear and blue water, Dewi Arum jumps in and takes a bath in the lake. She forgets about her duty to go and get the cure for her people. Her servants try to remind her about her duties but the princess ignores them.

Back at the kingdom, Prabu Ranubahu is worried about his daughter. So, he goes after her.   He is surprised to see his daughter is bathing in the lake and forget about her duties. The king furious.

“Arum?! What are you doing? Our people are dying and here you are having fun bathing in the lake. Since you enjoy being in the lake so much, you should become part of the lake!”

Right after the king finishes his sentence, a strange thing happens. Dewi Arum turns into a beautiful red flower. The king is surprised and sad to see what happens to his daughter. So, he picks the flower and goes back to his kingdom.

When the king arrives with the flower, the sickness that has been plaguing the kingdom is gone.
The beautiful flower that was once Dewi Arum is called lotus.  It always grows in lakes.”  (http://folklore4u.blogspot.com/2009/11/origin-of-lotus-folklore-of-west-java.html)

Just like Dewi, when I’m feeling a bit out of it, water helps soothe me.  In her tale, she gave that essence to her people, gravely at the hasty words of her father, but she gave it nontheless.  Dismally,  all I’ve turned into after a bath is a dried up prune that smells like a washed-up version of a lily a la Dove.

Meetings, Partings, and Poetry

‎”Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it.” Bob Cratchit, A Muppet Christmas Carol

I felt very inspired by the above line from A Muppet Christmas Carol.  It seems that life is made up of meetings and partings, not only in death, but with love and relationships, also time and space.  During the holiday season especially we are filled with moments of meeting and parting.  I hope you keep your loved ones as close as you can until that great departure into the sky.

“Stay is a charming word in a friend’s vocabulary.” – Louisa May Alcott

My favorite song.  ”‘Tis the season to be jolly and joyous!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ2NCDZ6ZH8

*Below is a poem I wrote many months ago and found today stashed inside my journal, on a note card. It resonates this theme I am feeling.

Departures & Arrivals 

You let go of me,

so I let go entirely.

 

How was I to know what the

future intended?

I decided on this reality,

my own reality

and I decided to sow my

own dreams into that

reality.

 

You lifted your anchor and

sailed your ship away from

my soft shores.

 

Abandoned

I sought shelter

within caves of

crystal chalices.

 

I rose myself up on mountains

of green azure

and found myself within another

lover’s embrace.

Another who accepted and wanted mine

and never want to let mine go.

 

How was I to know you would return?

Rune of Wholeness, Seed of Light

The Rune Poem – Verse XVI
The Sun is the hope of the seafarer
As they move across the fishes bath,
’til the sea-steed brings them to land.

What can I do to attract more positivity into my life, or rather, to bring more situations that are beneficial to the person I am.  Right now, living in a conservative and religious area in the United States, I have come to see and know many people who put up various guards and masks all to hide the beautiful, open person they are capable of being.  What is crippling them?  Fear and ideas from what they have been taught to believe their entire life.

However, I’m not here to go on a rant about what it is that is crippling them and why I feel that this should be looked at from a critical standpoint.  Instead, I’m trying to come from a place of love within myself and not even trying to look at the other person and their downfalls.  Instead, I want to see where I falter in attracting this kind of nonsense towards myself.

When I was about 22, I fell in love with meditation.  I would practice as often as possible using the Gayatri Mantra.  It was my go-to mantra in every situation, especially when I was feeling depressed or anxious.  I first heard it at a women’s retreat called “Daughters of the Moon.”  We had performed a Kuan-Yin ritual followed by a Hindu style meditation.  (Side note:  Kuan Yin is one of my favorite Goddesses and is commonly seen as the Chinese/Japanese Buddhist “Mother Mary.”)  During the meditation we listened to and chanted Deva Premal’s “Gayatri Mantra.”  As the vedic prayer was sung, my tummy, which is usually in knots, instantly felt relaxed and calm.  My heart, normally caged, flew open and felt ready for anything.  The words in Sanskrit are “Om bhur bhuvah svah tat savitur varenyam bhargo devasya dhimahi dhiyo yo nah prachodayat” and one of the translations is, “We meditate upon the Divine Radiance, that One Light which deserves our worship, the One whose noble thought energizes and directs our awakening.”  It is also said to assist in transcending the experiencing of suffering.  Doesn’t that make you want to chant everyday?

Here you can listen to Deva Premal’s version of the “Gayatri Mantra:” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfKigD3vY8A

Recently, I’ve felt more compelled to start going back to things that I’ve enjoyed in the past, that up until now, I’ve been forced to sweep under the rug due to a controlling relationship and having my blinders on.  One of those is the Gayatri Mantra.  It talks about light and directing our reawakening.  After deciding to do this, things got weirder.  I decided to pull out my Runes and do a quick Rune reading on myself.  I pulled out the Rune Sowelu which is “Wholeness/Life Force/The Sun’s Energy.”  Are you seeing the connection yet?  Light?  Energy?  Awakening?

“Sowelu stands for wholeness and self-realization.  It indicates the path I must follow from the core of my individuality.  I am striving to become, by nature, what I already am.  It marks a time for regeneration.  I may retreat in the face of pressing situations (sorry friends).  Timely retreat is among the skills of the Spiritual Warrior.  Open yourself up, let the light into a part of your life that has been secret, shut away.  It is time to admit something to yourself you have long denied.”

Well this was when it got weirder…

“There is a prayer known as the Gayatri that embodies the spirit of the Rune of Wholeness.  While reciting it, visualize the sun’s rays streaming forth into your heart and then back out into the world.  Practice the art of doing without doing. I can of mine own self do nothing (John 5:30).  Even in loving, it is Love that loves through us.”

The Rune Sowelu was telling me to practice the prayer and meditation that I had already chosen to practice  myself!  How strange and connected.

While reading my Rune, I noticed that things had come in threes and obviously I was being pried open so that hidden something could be doused in light.  The song “Spectrum” by Florence and the Machine was on in the background.  The lyrics that Florence sang  as I continued reading were, “Say my name, and every colour illuminates! We are shining, and we’ll never be afraid again!”  Obviously, Florence’s lyrics are a perfect reflection of whatever I’m going through, but when I heard this my mouth dropped.  The words “illumination, shining?”  Really?

Have a listen to “Spectrum” here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SStNlPO17pY

For every person, all three of these “signs” are going to be deduced differently or are going to be seen as mere coincidences.  For myself, I don’t see coincidence and I still feel like I have a few more layers to shed before the light can fully penetrate.  Until then, I will focus on allowing my inner light to shine through and maybe it will connect with fellow like-minded people out there, or maybe I will spread the light.  Perhaps that is the intention.

 
Faithful Lover

The moon came to me last night

With a sweet question.

She said,

“The sun has been my faithful lover

For millions of years.

Whenever I offer my body to him

Brilliant light pours from his heart.

Thousands then notice my happiness

And delight in pointing

Toward my beauty.

Hafiz,

Is it true that our destiny

Is to turn into Light

Itself?”

And I replied,

Dear moon,

Now that your love is maturing,

We need to sit together

Close like this more often

So I might instruct you

How to become

Who you

Are!

~Hafiz

Clearing out mental dust bunnies.

Since my last post, a lot has come up subconsciously.  It’s wonderful when people from our past jump in and clean out that extra mental-dust that’s in there.  Six months ago, I was walking on egg-shells trying to please someone else and live up to their expectations.  These days, I write my own rules.  If you don’t like me the way I am, then it just won’t work and I don’t make exceptions anymore.  While thinking on where I am now compared to where I was six or so months ago, I read my journal and other writings to see the growth and have decided to share.

So, here is my gift to you.  :)  And trust me, not many people get to even touch my journal, so this is a rare moment.  Enjoy.

“Some of us were just made to fly.” ~Me

August 18, 2011–

“This time last year, I was falling for a man who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  My knees shook, I forgot my name when I met him, and I got as shy as a six year-old.  I was head-over-heels in love.  I couldn’t even eat a taco in front of him, he made me so nervous and gave me the butterflies.  But when we were together, I turned into a woman, and he turned into a man.  We loved fiercely and passionately.

Why can’t we stop time for just a minute and stay with the ones we love?  And why do the stupidest things have to come between a relationship?  I’m not so sure I would’ve been so stubborn now.

I had to lie to him and tell him I was over it.  I’m not.  I never will be, but we both have to move on because he hurt me so much.  And now, I keep wishing for him to come back.  I just miss him and I just need him.  Even though we could both be retarded, we could still work really well together.  I thought so at least.

I hurt so much…”

 

 

Tongue tied and twisted,

possessed inside;

This burning desire

to prove you right.

Yearning to earn

your approval.

I want to be inside your soul.

 

Tongue tied and twisted,

possessed inside;

This burning desire

to lose my mind.

Yearning to learn

what is useful.

I want to be inside your soul.

 

…just like the curve

of your body

and the shape of

the silver rain…

Save St. Patrick’s Day for drunk dialing…

I have been feeling pretty nostalgic lately; perhaps it’s the season, perhaps it’s my dreams that keep re-occurring, perhaps it’s my phone that keeps ringing.  Either way, as much as I love this time of year and the food, festivities, and family gatherings, I can’t help but wonder why people from our past tend to show up on our phone (as a missed call or late night text) more at this time, than perhaps ever (or never).  Sometimes these are people we haven’t heard from in years, but it’s always around the Christmas season.

The logical answer would be, “These people are feeling lonely and just want to reach out for companionship.  They see you as someone to do that with since they feel like they know you.  You were once a part of their life.”

Logically this doesn’t make sense, since I know very well the two people who have reached out are not lonely, or at least shouldn’t be in their current situations.  One of them doesn’t live in the same state anymore, is away at school for religious purposes, has a girlfriend, wonderful family, and many friends.  The other likes to party hard, enjoys being a part of the entertainment industry, and is also close with his family.  Both were ex-boyfriends.  Both remind me of each other in their personalities and even looks.  I was in love with both of them at different parts of my life, one of them a bit more recent than the other…and that would be the one that has a girlfriend.

If Christmas makes people reach out to each other, why not Thanksgiving, why not Fourth of July…hell, why not St. Patrick’s Day?  At least drunk dialing and texting would be an excuse.  I’m here all year round and so are you.  Christmas does not give people an excuse and it should definitely not give them the balls to contact someone whom they would like to re-establish a connection with that they ruined.  It would take a hell of a lot more than a two-lined text or a wishy-washy e-mail…and it should not be on a holiday.  I prefer to celebrate mine in the present.

To lift your spirits from this rant of a post, here is something quite fitting to it yet hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZExt3lxE8_M

 

 

Impulsive Thoughts and Time Management

With the season of hibernation and the holiday of resolutions right around the corner, a lot of thoughts and ideas of change have been brewing beneath the lily pads.  I’m not entirely sure where my life is headed, but I will let these impulsive musings steep in the water for a while.  In fact, I will give you a brief list of all goals that my mind has raced with recently.

1) Complete Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training starting this Spring– the training will be held here in Memphis, however it is $3300.  Finding a way to pay for this out-of-pocket could prove tricky, but I am on a mission!

2) Go to Law School?– This has been something that has rolled around like marbles in my head since late Summer.  As far as the type of law I’d like to go into, that is still up for debate.  If you know me well enough, you know I always fight for the underdog.  Because of this it’s between Immigration Law (also because of my background in Spanish), Environmental Law, or Administrative Law.

3)  Write THE novel this year. — So many different ideas have been bouncing around in my head.  Finding the time is the problem.  I’d like to dedicate this year to myself and this especially.

So, now that I’ve shared, here’s something that I struggle with that I’m pretty sure many of my readers do too– Time Management!

As a teacher I am constantly strapped for time and am always looking for new ways to solve my procrastinating ways.  I’ve tried having a planner attached at my hip.  I’ve tried post-it notes, little reminders, rewards when somethings finished, and being spontaneous.  Now, I’ve decided to become more like my OCD idols and try an on-line tool to keep me up-to-date.  I’m not normally the type of girl who enjoys having certain time slots that are set up to do work.  I am very free flowing, but there is a negative to being free flowing: procrastination and focusing on things that are artsy.  I like creating collages, dancing, and writing.  Getting me to sit down though can prove quite daunting.  I love to move.  So, I went in search for a site that had just as much free flow as I did with a touch of organization.

I found a fun site called “Nirvana (https://www.nirvanahq.com/).”  I like how there is less time spent managing your tasks and they offer a fun, free tour.  However, when it came to signing up, you have to wait days (or maybe weeks?) to be invited.  Lame. Sorry guys, that is not Nirvana.

Next, I found this site called “Rescue Time(http://www.rescuetime.com/).”  I liked the name, but the turn off immediately came when I read,  ”RescueTime is a tool that allows you to easily understand and optimize how you and/or your team spends their time and attention. You install a small application on the computer and they magically track what software and which web sites are actively being used.”  No, I would not like “Rescue Time” to tell me that I am spending 8 hours a day on Facebook.  Oh, and they tell you how long your focus lasts.  Focus- 8 minutes; Suspicion- ADD…or mayyyybe too many windows open. haha Thanks though!

The last site I tried was “30 Boxes (http://30boxes.com/signup).”  At this point I was totally hesitant and didn’t even want to organize my time anymore.  I was even tempted to just go back to using my planner.  Yet, after signing up with the site, I have to say that they make it super easy to use.  The month is right there in front of your face without any other distractions.  You can add multiple events to any day with ease and you can even make one event a “repeat” event with one click of your mouse.  No more typing or writing that you need to attend cycling class over and over again Monday after Monday.

I suppose I will give you an update on how successful this makes me.  I’m trying to set up time slots to write, to grade, to procrastinate and do nothing.  Sometimes though, we need some spontaneity and free flow.  Our lives weren’t meant to fit inside of “little” boxes.  As one of my best friends said, “Get the tools out of my big box.  They need to stop fixing it.”  And maybe I need to stop fixing my idea on the way I’m working and stay in the flow of things…we shall see.